Single White Female Reader Seeks Main Character Companion

Want Your Fictional RomanceMe:

– An avid but often frustrated Reader seeking out a Main Character whose story involves plot, substance, and as little pointless romance as possible.

– I love to laugh and have a great sense of humor, but I’m willing to share in your pain as you struggle against your ultimate nemesis, group of villains, next door neighbor, or meglomanical demon prince overlord. 

– I enjoy reading anywhere and everywhere. I would definitely enjoy settling down for a quiet afternoon or evening read sans interuptions. With you.  

– I can offer you a place on my bookshelf and a positive reviews in exchange for you not making me want to throw your book down a flight of stairs.

You:

– Written in third person is preferred, but first person is acceptable. Bonus points if you’re one of many main characters and most of the book isn’t solely from your point of view.

– Strongly motivated and task-oriented. You have a goal, mission, journey, task, etc. and you’re going to see it through to the bitter end.

– Aware of what you are and working on embracing it instead of being resistant and useless for half a book. Sure, maybe it was only yesterday that you learned you were part of a royal family of cave trolls, but you’re working towards accepting it.  

– Multi-tasker with the ability to prioritize. You can date and solve cases at the same time, but you will also cancel dinner reservations when there’s a serial killer on the loose.

– Jack/Jill of Various Trades, Master of Few. You have skills and you use them BUT you can’t do everything. Bonus points if you know people who can do the things you can’t. Even more bonus points if you don’t critique the way they do their job.

– You are caring of those around you including but not limited to your friends, family, plucky sidekick, or mentor. If you’re in a relationship, you’re still capable of being a good friend, sister, brother, uncle, mother, etc. 

– Capable of some level of empathy. You may not like or agree with everyone, but you do understand where others are coming from. Bonus points if this occurs on a regular basis or without prompting from a boyfriend, BFF, or sidekick.

– You have a team that either complements you in some way or adds humor or pathos to your life, journey, mission, or quest. That way even when I feel like I’m stuck living in your head, I still will get to have other characters to like. You can either love, hate, or be ambivilent towards your cohorts. Either approach will be entertaining.  (Optional but strongly preferred!)

Don’t Apply If:

– You are incompetent even though your job requires you to be capable.

– Without anything to indicate that you are or ever will be, you still somehow think of yourself as a special snowflake. And so does everyone else in your story.

– You have a tendency to Info Dump in a relentless, unbelievable way that leaves me wondering if you are the sole contributor to Wikipedia. This goes double if you Info Dump on topics that would be overly familiar to most readers.

– No priorities and no ability to multi-task. Your goal, task, mission objective, case, etc. matters to you only when it is convienient to your plot because you’re trying to make it last for as many books as possible.

– You have no real friends. OR You treat all members of your gender as if they are competition and your “friends” are all guys who want to date you.

– You are constantly judging others and acting superior for no apparent reason.

– Profound lack of empathy. If you stub your toe, it’s the end of the world. If someone else becomes a borderline psychopath because of the trauma they’ve endured as a small child, you expect them to suck it up and cope.

– You have a wingman, partner, associate, etc. who is disgusting, abrasive, brutish, or lacking in manners who is in your book to make you seem open-minded and lovely by comparision. If you just have a barbarian around because you’re on a quest, that’s one thing. If you have to have some jerk around to make you seem like a saint, that’s another.

 – You are something supernaturally montrous and you either a) can’t figure out what you are for over 200 pages or more when it is obvious, b) hate what you are well past the point of it adding to the story in any way, or c) plan on moping for a quarter of a century, which makes your book exceedingly dull. If you’re also fluffy, sparkly, or safe for tweens to be around, that’s even worse. (Non-Negotiable. If this sounds like you or the novel you hail from, please do not contact me.)

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About April

I'm a librarian, reader, and writer whose main goal in life is to be able to swim in books the way Scrooge McDuck swims in money. Although my reading choices will always be wildly eclectic and I never plan on leaving any genre unexplored, my favorite reads tend to be Fantasy, Young Adult, Science Fiction, Gay Romance, or Historical Fiction. You can e-mail me at inspector[dot]librarian[at]gmail[dot]com.
This entry was posted in Bookish Thoughts, Librarian's Lament and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to Single White Female Reader Seeks Main Character Companion

  1. Paul D. Dail says:

    Awesome post. You should refer anyone who contacts you for a review to this post.

    Speaking of, have I asked you if you would be willing to review my book? I’m more than a little nervous to do so, but after reading this, I feel like I would get a fair and honest shake (and perhaps we’ve gone over this before, but apologies that I can’t remember your response).

    Don’t worry. No one in my book is fluffy, sparkly or safe for tweens, except for a priest (and even then it’s questionable… ha ha ha… and I’m Catholic, so I’m allowed to make that joke).

    Again, great post.

    Paul D. Dail
    http://www.pauldail.com- A horror writer’s not necessarily horrific blog

    • I probably should since it might save people some time.

      And no worries, I’d love to take a look at your book although I have to admit I’m very slow when it comes to e-books. I’d like to read more horror and I could use a break from mysteries and urban fantasy. 🙂

      • Paul D. Dail says:

        That would be great. You’re actually the first blogger I’ve asked to review it (I like to get to know people a little before asking such a big favor). While time isn’t an issue (with pretty limited time, I’ve been reading the same book for quite awhile, so I understand), if you would prefer to wait, I’m hoping to have it in trade paperback by the end of the month. But it’s up to you. I can also send you the e-book. Just let me know what works best for you. And what’s proper etiquette in these sorts of matters.

        Hope you have a good weekend.
        Paul D. Dail
        http://www.pauldail.com- A horror writer’s not necessarily horrific blog

  2. I love you and your character requirements. ❤

  3. Noel R. says:

    Man, have I been totally absent from the blog scene lately or what?

    But holy cow, I laughed out loud at this post. So fantastic. ;D

  4. shelleyrae@ Book'd Out says:

    Love love this post!
    Thanks for the giggle!

    shelleyrae @ Book’d Out

  5. TBM says:

    Pretty darn clever.

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